One day when I was a kid and London pea-soup fogs were a la mode, a car came out of the gloom and knocked me off my bike.
I wasn’t seriously hurt – though badly shaken – and when the driver hurried up to ask if I was damaged I said “It’s alright, it was my fault.”
It wasn’t of course – it was nobody’s fault. But that’s what we English do. Apologise for being the victim.
“Sorry, I think you’ll find I was here first” we say, “Sorry, would you mind not pushing?” and, “I would prefer it if you didn’t speak to me in that way – sorry.”
We all do it – even me
Just like everybody else I’ve caught myself doing it at various times. And it has always made me angry with myself afterwards.
So much so that if I see the likelihood of such a situation looming I begin automatically to bristle. I resolve that it will not be me that apologises but the transgressor – or else I’ll know the reason!
My most recent encounter of this sort occurred at the local chemist. Each time I made my monthly call to collect my prescription the pharmacist asked, after serving me, if I had a moment “for a little chat”.
I knew what he meant, having been caught out once before. He wanted to corner me in some way so he could subject me to a sales patter. In a situation where it would be awkward for me to leave without apologising, English style, for my rudeness.
Putting it in to practice
On the first occasion I responded with “sorry, I haven’t got time”, but afterwards I thought, why did I make the entirely fictional excuse?
Wasn’t that just another form of apologising for not wanting to be imposed upon?
So next time, forewarned, I just said “sorry” quite abruptly, hoping he would get the message.
He didn’t. On three more visits he again sought his little chat, and nothing in my attitude could deter him.
So finally I had enough. I resolved, this time, to put him brutally down. So when he asked, yet again “have you got time for a little chat?” I struck.
“No, I haven’t,” I said in a cold aggressive voice, staring him belligerently in the eye.
Then, as I studied his startled expression and the silence lengthened, I added “sorry….”
Image: Dave Keeshan under CC BY 2.0
