I do my best to keep up. And for a sad old coot I’ve always thought I didn’t do too bad.
I regularly scan the Daily Mail Online page to see who’s the latest to look good in her string bikini, who’s showing her baby bump, and who’s left her ex behind and is now canoodling on the beach with who. And I watch enough TV film to put a name to famous faces. Most of them at least.
Or so I smugly thought.
Patz popz up
But then a certain Robert Pattinson (apparently otherwise known as RPatz) pops up and the air is suddenly full of the sound of knickers hitting the floor.
So who is this Pattinson bloke, and why has he provoked a feminine feeding frenzy? Why is it so essential to know who took a photo and under what circumstances, and where is it and how dare they?
In my desperation to keep up I’ve looked up the relevant web page and learned that young Rob has thick black eyebrows and a tendency to mumble in the best Marlon Brando manner. (Are those Neanderthal eye whiskers the secret of his success, I wonder? is that where I’ve been missing out all these years?)
Sexiest this, that and the other
He’s also a prominent member of the sex list society. ‘The sexiest man in pants’, ‘The sexiest man out of pants’, ‘The sexiest man who never wears pants because they get in the way’. That sort of thing.
But where did he spring from? Why has he been selected for special feminine worship rather than many of the other two legged appendages Hollywood has to offer? Has he been in a film or a TV soap? Or is he merely a male Jordan?
And what about Kristin Stewart? Is she his special squeeze or is she just the token woman for every fan to hate because she’s there and they’re not?
Grumpy old duffer?
I fully realise that my ignorance of all this need to know stuff is inexcusable.
The result of my aged grouchiness. Perhaps I ought to give up and take to sleeping in my coffin. Save a bit of time later.
Just one thought before I shut up however. If this guy is so utterly adorable and famous and desirable how come he – and she – can wander the Island apparently undetected?
That’s a technique well worth bottling I would think. If it’s true.
Image: Billie Joe’s Entourage under CC BY-SA 2.0
