Jonathan Dodd‘s latest column. Guest opinion articles do not necessarily reflect the views of the publication. Ed
I’m sure everyone’s heard of the old Chinese curse – “May you live in interesting times!” Who said that the English invented irony? We’re not quite in the same class – “Do I know what irony is? Yes, it’s something the wife does.”
Unlike sarcasm, irony isn’t supposed to be anyone’s last refuge. It’s supposed to be clever and it implies that the ironer has thought about the ironee enough to be able to put together something to say that’s appropriate to the situation.
It’s impossible to tease someone you don’t like
Someone else said that there are certain things in life that simply can’t be ironised, and someone else said that irony can be spotted in any human experience, no matter how horrible. I think it might just be bad taste to use irony sometimes, and equally it can be a lifesaver.
I grew up in a teasing family. No matter what you said or did or wore, somebody would find something funny to say about it, and it was a very good way to get your pretensions out of you before they set. I’ve always seen teasing as a natural part of good relationships based on fondness and the comfort of being with people from whom you need to have no secrets. And it’s impossible to tease someone you don’t like. Don’t believe me? Try it.
A teasee will smile naturally
Not everyone would agree with me, of course. Some people confuse teasing with bullying, or the first stages of bullying. Anyone who seeks to harm or dominate another will use similar techniques, but for wholly malevolent purposes. This should be completely obvious, since a teasee will smile naturally, and probably tease back. Someone who’s being bullied knows better than to issue challenges.
I remember being bullied at school. It was relentless and soul-destroying. I watched people being ground down daily into impotent and quivering wrecks, and couldn’t believe that nobody thought there was anything wrong there. I got into trouble several times trying to get someone to intervene over bullying.
The damage bullies do to themselves
Bullying takes two forms. One is simply to try to make everyone so afraid of you that nobody will spot your own fears. The other is to single someone out to destroy them. They’re both disgusting.
I can’t imagine why anyone should want to do either of these things. It makes no sense to me, and it never works. The fear, whatever it’s based on, will never go away, and there are just too many people out there. No matter how many you destroy or cow, there are so many more behind them. It’s hard work, and there’s no end. Just imagine the damage bullies do to themselves.
I can’t engage in that emotionally
One of my old writing friends asked me why I never had any villains in my stories. She looked at me and said – “I know why. You just don’t get it.” I had to think about that, and she was right. I can put together a situation in my head where someone does terrible things, but I can’t engage in that emotionally, so it’s just a dry exercise.
So we’re back to that old argument. Are bullies born, or do they train themselves up rigorously? I think that we’re possibly born with tendencies that initially cause us to accept or reject experiences. We all know that children who are abused or bullied appear to be more likely to repeat that pattern, yet the world is also filled with those who stand up to it and push back. What determines whether someone fits or breaks the mould?
Perhaps none of them are insane
If I had the answer to this I’m pretty sure that I would be even more rich and famous than I am already. I’m so full of questions buzzing around the inside of my head, none of which, I suspect, will ever get answered. It’s just possible that someone has already answered this, but their voice was drowned out by the mob of others selling their solutions.
There are jokes about insane asylums filled with prophets and heavenly messengers who were simply not believed and judged to be insane. Perhaps in the stories they all are, perhaps all but one really are insane. Perhaps none of them are insane.
Destined never to be believed
I love the legend of Cassandra, the ancient Greek oracle, who was cursed by the god Apollo. Apollo visited his own version of the Chinese curse on her, allowing her to see into the future and predict everything accurately, but destined never to be believed.
There are times I would like to be a dispenser of simple and attractively-packaged easy answers to life’s problems. That would be another profitable business. Unfortunately the marketplace is already filled to overflowing with the peddlers of simple solutions.
Doing the easy thing and blaming others
I can only offer this thought. Life is complicated and resists easy answers. There’s no substitute for looking the thing in the eye and trying to work out what’s the right thing to do, and no guarantee that what you choose will be right. But the easy answer is almost always guaranteed to make things worse.
I think if there is any purpose in our existence, it lies somewhere in the area of self-awareness and the struggle to make sense of it all, and the willingness to work hard for what feels right rather than doing the easy thing and blaming others.
Now that’s what I call ‘interesting times’.
If you have been, thank you for reading this.
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