Jonathan Dodd‘s latest column. Guest opinion articles do not necessarily reflect the views of the publication. Ed
So. Here I am at the beginning of a new year, ruminating on the Christmas just past and wondering where it went and how I missed the sonic boom it must have left, considering the speed at which it passed. I do remember the deluge of rain and blustery wind that started in December and didn’t let up until the very moment I set off back to work. Although I’m probably exaggerating there just a bit.
I did finally get to watch a BluRay film on my new machine. It took a long time to work out which combination of buttons to press on the clutch of remotes so that all the super-sophisticated boxes came into alignment.
Though once they did, there was a satisfyingly sharp and clear image to watch, and surround-sound that blanketed the room and no doubt annoyed the neighbours although they haven’t complained yet. If you’re reading this, I apologise.
The unfortunate incident of the wrong transistor radio
I did have to wait until Christmas Day to watch a blu ray film. I asked Santa for some, but you can never be sure.
There was the unfortunate incident of the wrong transistor radio when I was 13, and sometimes I suspect that Santa has outsourced some deliveries to certain courier services who fail to appreciate the concept of Pre-Christmas delivery.
I remember the famous Christmas edition of The Good Life on television many years ago when the Harrods van broke down and Margo had to declare that Christmas was cancelled. I seem also to remember the Sheriff of Nottingham (played by Alan Rickman) cancelling Christmas when thwarted by Kevin Costner. There have been years when I was tempted, but not this one.
This year Santa and his minions did an excellent job, and there was a clutch of film-sized presents to open, some in glorious blu ray format. I was very happy.
My short and ignominious career as a hockey goalkeeper
We also went to see the new Hobbit film at Cineworld. There was a debate about which format to watch, which never used to happen because there was never any choice. We unanimously opted for 2D, mainly because the original excitement about 3D wore off pretty quickly and turned into irritation with the glasses.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I have to wear my 3D glasses over my normal glasses, which reminds me of my short and ignominious career as a hockey goalkeeper, when I had to wear big steel boots over my football boots while standing in a pool of clayey mud. It’s just not natural.
We loved the Hobbit. Some people thought it was too slow to begin with, but we just wallowed in it and didn’t mind at all. And there are two more films to come. I can’t wait. But I suspect I’ll have to.
You’re gonna need a bigger TV
Watching the blu rays has brought up another quandary. Someone muttered to me – ‘You’re gonna need a bigger TV!’ – even though we weren’t watching Jaws at the time. The new machine automatically shows the film in its original format, which sometimes resembles a letterbox.
The film appears as a strip across the middle of the screen, leaving a band of black above and below, and the picture is correspondingly smaller.
I had several complaints about this, and requests to change the format so the picture filled the screen. I wasn’t happy about this idea, because either everyone would have become tall and sticklike, or we would have lost half the original picture off the sides of the screen.
Multi-dimensional comfort
So I’m going to have to buy a bigger TV now. This always seems to happen with technology. You can’t just replace something nowadays, because everything around it will need changing too.
Worryingly, I was reading the blu ray manual, and it says it’s 3D-compatible. Presumably I could buy a 3D television and we could watch TV with those glasses on in the comfort of our living room.
I think I’ll keep quiet about that.
If you have been, thank you for reading this, and please have an extremely happy and prosperous New Year.
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