An extract from The Island Independent. Submitted by Pappa Clip. Take it with a pinch of salt. Ed
A man was arrested in a local petrol station today after apparently going berserk in the pay queue.
“I was busy as usual, serving customers with their mars bars and papers and tins of baked beans,” explained employee Miss Barbarella Boot, “when this chap halfway along the line suddenly started yelling.”
Gimme the petrol
He screamed “All I want is damn petrol! This is supposed to be a self service operation! You’re meant to fill up and pay and go, not stand in a damn queue while a load of burks do their weekly grocery shopping! For Chrissakes get a move on!”
“Alarmed by his unruly behaviour I warned him to be quiet and wait his turn.” said Miss Boot, “At which point he threw a bottle of tomato sauce, jumbo size, at me before following up with a pack of John Innes No 1. Fortunately some of the other customers then restrained him, one wrapping him in a roll of parcel tape, extra strong which he later paid for, while I called the police.’
Asked if she often encountered rowdiness of this sort she smiled ruefully, “From time to time.And it’s always those who only want to buy just petrol, I find. They seem to think they ought to have priority for some reason.”
We hope you enjoyed Pappa Clip’s piece of Friday satire
