Some excerpts from the London Midday Melange. Submitted by Pappa Clip. Ed
A Mr Tegrud Shaughnessy contacted this office today to inform us that he was heading a new student group formed with the express aim of opposing the recent student demonstrations against Nick Clegg.
“Does this mean you support Mr Clegg in his U-turn over tuition fees?” this reporter asked, somewhat surprised.
Yeh but, no but
“Good heavens no!” Mr Shaughnessy explained. “We stand with our brothers and sisters in asserting that the fees represent a truly monstrous attack on the educational aspirations of the working class, as well as a blatant display of the Tories contempt for those they regard as lower class. At the same time however we believe the alternative view should be heard.”
“So in essence you are opposing something you agree with. Is that correct?”
“Exactly. It’s part of what we mean by the Broad Church. Of course I realise that anyone who is not a Liberal might find it difficult to understand.”
“Oh no, we’re getting used to it.” I said.
Financial advice
Word in the City, is that ex-prime minister Gordon Brown is forming a company with the aim of offering financial advice to those countries such as Ireland, Portugal etc in the efficient spending of their billion euro-loans.
It is understood Mr Peter Mandelson may also be involved.
Alternative definitions
This reporter has overheard some rather cynical definitions apparently circulating through the halls of Westminster.
The Big Society; The same self important do-gooders running local affairs as before – but this time without pay. And – most importantly – with no possibility of blame accruing to H.M. Government.
The Happiness Index; Never mind unemployment and homelessness – just keep everybody smiling (‘Bread and circuses’ has also been murmured).
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Image: Andrew Moss Photography under CC BY 2.0
