Another spoof cutting from the Island Independent. Submitted by Pappa Clip. Ed
The Council has announced plans to take over the Island’s forests and sell them on in job lots.
This, it is explained, will satisfy both the need to raise revenue and to comply wth the ‘Big Nation’ idea.
Trees will be sold off individually, probably by auctions and with no one purchaser allowed to buy more than ten trees.
“This way,” a spokesperson man explained, “the forests will truly be owned by the ordinary people of the Island, who will continue to enjoy them as before and at the same time experience the joy of personal ownership.
We anticipate that owners will react to their neighbours just as they do with their gardens at home – keeping their tree in trim order, practising a little light topiary perhaps, loping unsightly branches, boring extra nesting holes, adding some discreet extra berries or fruits.
Spruce up the spruce
Even tastefully painting the trunk and branches to enhance the overall variety over what is – let’s face it – the tendency to the rather boring green sameness that nature provides. Tentative ideas along this line are, for example, a fetching light blue for oaks, a sunshine yellow for larches and willows, an added glow of silver to silver birches.
It is anticipated also that enterprising owners will want to improve access to their property – possibly by crazy-paving over exceptionally muddy bits of bridle way and footpath, perhaps by laying a surround of multi-coloured gravel at the base of their tree or trees, siting a seat or two, even a picnic area. Or a range of plastic gnomes,an artificial miniature waterfall and stream.
The possibilities are really quite endless.
The main thing to bear in mind of course is that our natural woodland heritage must at all costs be preserved.
We hope you enjoyed Pappa Clip’s latest spoof.
