This item was sent to VB back in April by regular contributor Pappa Clip. It was not scheduled to run until later this week, however, given the news today about GPS tracking of those with dementia, we thought it timely to run. Now, who was it that said Pappa Clip’s spoofs are scarily close to the truth? This from the ‘Midland Evening Peripheral’. Ed
This paper has been informed today of the founding of The National Society For The Protection Of Pensioners (NSPP).
The Society has been formed in response to an anticipated increase in the vulnerability of the old, following the closure of so many care homes and drop-in care centres throughout the country.
Toilet and library closures have knock-on effect
In addition it also points out the closure of public libraries and toilets and the increasing tendency of police stations to lock themselves away behind tight security precautions.
“All this must inevitably lead to a huge increase in the number of old people – often bewildered and distressed – wandering the streets and byways of our towns, unable to find any assistance” the spokes-person-woman pointed out.
The aim of the new society is to form voluntary groups to patrol our towns and cities – especially those bordering the sea – keeping an eye out for anyone looking lost and afraid. They will be gathered in and taken to a suitable safe place – perhaps defunct libraries might prove useful here – and they’re held until called for. Lavatories will be available as well as a strong cup of tea and perhaps a sticky bun, and of course, sing-alongs and bingo
Tracking collars planned
In addition it is hoped when funds allow, to provide these vulnerable people with special collars incorporating an inbuilt location device so that their whereabouts can be discovered at any time by the local care service provider or by an official guardian or if necessary by the Society itself.
The NSPP acknowledges the possible clash between the rights of the individual to go abroad without hindrance, and the dangers of allowing strays to endanger themselves and others perhaps by wandering into the road, frightening children and attempting to urinate in shop doorways.
“The bottom line must surely be we cannot allow irresponsible individuals just to roam about willy-nilly,” the spokes-person-woman said. “After all, we wouldn’t allow dogs to do it.”
We hope you enjoyed Pappa Clip’s latest spoof.
Image: Oobject
