In an interview with just a handful of trusted journalists today Prince Philip, Duke Of Edinburgh spoke in his usual forthright fashion of his decision to enter the political arena.
“Why not?” he asked metaphorically. “I’ve just about had enough following the missus about like some over-trained poodle. Can’t say a bloody word without one of you journalist chappies picking up on it and turning it into world news. Be a nice change to shoot my mouth off all over the place with nobody taking a blind bit of notice. I rather fancy one of those second homes too.
“A little flat would do – five bedrooms and somewhere for the servants, that sort of thing. Anywhere in London so long as there’s a bit of parkland somewhere near where I can do a bit of shooting.
“That way I could have a crack at a brace of spare totty too, just like any other of those parliamentary layabouts.”
Red, Blue, Yellow or Green?
Asked if he had any preference as to party, the Duke answered without hesitation.
“Got to be that so-called Labour lot. Load of hypocritical self-servers just like the rest of course, but at least they’re not all oily bum sniffers. One or two known to fancy the odd pint as well. Might make for a good bellylaugh now and then.”
“But would you be content with the life of a backbencher sir?” asked the rather naive representative from the Daily Queen.
“Don’t talk such damned guff!” HRH responded sharply. “Of course I wouldn’t! Shouldn’t have too! Prime Minister at least. I am Bloody Royalty after all! And anyone who can spend hour after hour grinning at windbags and generally wandering about trying not to offend ex-empire wallahs without letting one go from time to time shouldn’t have much trouble running a country.”
Unexpectedly he scowled. “You know the first thing I’d do? Pass a law making it legal to stamp on sodding corgis. Forking things!”
Image: Steve Punter under CC BY-SA 2.0
