Thanks to Sandra from Christians Against Poverty for this latest advice. Ed
Figures out today from a debt charity suggest that good finances could be a vital factor in enjoying a harmonious love life.
Debt charity Christians Against Poverty says that in a survey of their clients nearly eight out of ten said debt had negatively affected their relationship. But with love in the air this week, the charity hopes couples will give themselves the chance to tackle any money issues.
The blame game
Isle of Wight & Southsea CAP Centre Manager Sandra Snell said,
“In any relationship trust is a big factor and that is easily undermined when money is tight. It’s just so easy to play the blame game.
“We’ve seen many situations where someone knows their debts are growing but they have dared not tell their other half. So, they cope with that stress on their own and in the end the problem escalates until they have to say what a mess they are in.”
She added:
“The good news is, when they have sought help with their debts, we do see relationships – and families – held together.”
Home visits
The free service is based at Kings Church, Sandown and Kings Church, Southsea, Portsmouth but every client is seen in their own home.
Experts at CAP’s head office negotiate with creditors to get interest payments and charges stopped and draw up a budget prioritising essentials like rent, bills and food.
Valuable service
One client, who preferred to be anonymous, said debt counselling gave her and her partner vital breathing space to reconnect.
“We were just constantly falling out. Our relationship was almost beyond repair. There seemed to be no escape from the worry. We felt hopeless and helpless.
“Since CAP have been involved, everything has totally changed and our relationship is 100 per cent better. Even if things are still sometimes a struggle, we’re able to be positive and feel there’s hope.”
CAP’S TOP TEN TIPS FOR HELPING
YOUR FINANCES IN A RELATIONSHIP
- Pick your time to talk about finances (not when a big credit card bill has just landed) and decide before-hand that however bad things are, you will look forward to sorting it all out.
- Set aside a couple of hours to review bills and bank statements so you know where you are. You can’t guess your way through this. Openness is key.
- If you’re not sure how to build a household budget, there are plenty of online tools available or go on a CAP Money Course (capmoneycourse.org)
- Even if you don’t share a bank account, you need to consider and agree how and how much you are willing to share what you have with your partner.
- Try to understand and respect your partner’s differing attitudes to money which may be formed from past experiences, or family practices. Talk about what has made you think the way you do.
- If your other half comes clean about overspending, try to react well. They made a mistake but they care enough to have told you and given you both a chance to put it right.
- Decide on a joint goal together that you both want to save for – a short break, a meal out. It will keep you on track as you put money away regularly, however small.
- In relationships the small things are the big things. Loving gestures don’t have to be lavish and expensive to make their mark.
- If you have serious debts, there is always a way forward but it will be easier with the help of a free debt counselling organisation, like CAP, who will negotiate with creditors on your behalf. Call them on 0800 328 0006.
- Persevere – finances, like relationships, give great highs and lows but most problems are solved by being determined and patient.
Contact CAP on 0800 328 0006 for debt help or find out more at www.capuk.org
Image: lendingmemo/ under CC BY 2.0
