Ask any woman for the reasons she is tempted to attack her husband with something hard and heavy, snoring along with night trips to the loo would appear high on the list.
Yet her ancestors would have held an entirely opposite view. In the days when humanoids roamed the open grasslands such habits were seen, I suggest, as invaluable tools of defence.
Picture this
Slapbang in the middle of a vast prairie, pampas, steppe or plain (no-one’s made their mind up on the title yet) the tribe of wandering hunter – gatherers has settled down for the night. Including the boy who is supposed to keep the fire going.
From all around, shielded by the dark, hordes of sharp toothed and famished predators cautiously approach, entranced by the overwhelming odour of fresh meat.
And they will not be deterred by the flames no matter how high or low they be. Anyone who owns a cat or dog knows what hogwash that theory is.
Audio deterrent
Yet they hesitate. For from the apparently sleeping victims comes an array of warning growls, some mere throat rumbles, some high pitched and piercing.
What is more several of the supposedly unconscious bodies are in motion, twisting about, kicking out legs and arms,even sitting up and staring round before laying down once more.
Others are even standing up and wandering about. And a continuous stream of men approach the edge of the encampment and, whilst clearly staring out in to the night, pee on the ground. Plainly marking out their territory and declaring in effect, ‘cross this line and you’ve got a fight on your paws’
All in the name of self defence
Thus is the function, dear reader, the reason, for snoring and dreaming and sleep walking. And for old men throughout the night to frequently relieve their bowels.
It’s all a matter of self defence, nothing more.
So the next time hubby snorts and bellows himself awake for the third time, then stumbles cursing and yelping towards the loo, offer up a word of thanks for his protective presence, his willingness to take on any dangers of the night and fart them away.
