Daft Old Duffer returns. Guest opinion articles do not necessarily reflect the views of the publication. Ed
A common occurrence on the Island is the arrival of some keen young couple, or some venturing businessman, who take note of the moribund entertainment scene here and decide they have found a golden opportunity to provide a venue – pub or nightclub – that will show what can be done and at the same time provide them with an easy fortune.
In due course they open their shiny new premises, lay on entertainment, line the bar with eager barmen and inform the world that at last here is ‘The Place To Be’.
And sure enough, word spreads like a forest fire and the place fills to overcrowding with customers.
For a few weeks
What went wrong?
But then, as inevitable as slump follows boom, trade dies away, most of the barmen leave, the nightly entertainment becomes a Saturday only affair, and the owner is left wondering what went wrong.
In fact the reason can be observed from the very first day.
When each and every seat is occupied by holiday makers, who will sit there all evening nursing the one drink they will make last ’til closing time.
The reason for such behaviour is two-fold.
Got my pint
First is the assumption that by buying the one drink and making it last ’til closing time all necessary dues have been paid.
A universal belief that many a publican can, with much bitterness, confirm.
And the second is that, in any case, the average Isle Of Wight holidaymaker is scraping by on a very limited amount of spending money.
Or is preserving funds for their ‘real’ holiday later on in Spain.
And it doesn’t matter how crowded the bar, if drinks ain’t being sold, profits ain’t being made.
A place to sit and stay warm
Much the same pattern of behaviour can be observed throughout the Island. Cafes where customers sit nursing a tepid coffee, and souvenir shops filled with wandering about families sheltering from the weather, yet with no intention of forking out any cash.
And apparently we’re not alone. A cafe has just opened in the Big Smoke wherein customers can eat and drink as much as they like, for nothing.
But they will be charged for every minute they sit in the place
Clearly the proprietors believe this will put a halt to customers sitting all morning, sheltering from the rain and not spending a penny.
I hope they’re right.
Not sure it’d work here
It’s not an idea for the Island however. Here, I think the scheme would result in uproar as customers complained their waiting time should not include waiting to be served – and that the service is deliberately slow anyhow; that they’d been waiting longer than the couple up the end; that they were being charged ten minutes sitting when they’d only had nine and a half on account there weren’t enough seats available; that the loos were made too small so they had to queue and that was a swindle as well.
All the while being jostled and cussed at by others rushing in and out again, clutching feverishly snatched up food and drink, and mingling with the throng already established on the pavement outside.
Where smokers were being told if they wanted to smoke they ought go inside, and smokers protesting this was their area, reserved for them.
No, better I think to leave things as they are, and let businesses go bankrupt in peace and quiet.
Image: Intangible Arts under CC BY 2.0
