Update: This article published before midday on 1st April was an April Fool.
The Isle of Wight Council confirmed today that as part of the newly-launched European Union Biodiversity Action Plan (published 1 April 2010), a major new attraction on the Island will open this summer: an exciting grey squirrel habitat to be named “The Nutkin Sanctuary”.
The grey squirrel (Sciurus carolinensis, from the Latin original for “Devious Tree Rat”), which until now has been considered extremely rare on the Island, is a target species for European funding.
Up to three million euros has been provisioned to combat the growing “red squirrel ghetto” issue where a monoculture of single-species habitats is making the Island, in the words of the European Directorate of Grey Squirrel Advancement Chief Scientist, Flora Pilo, “less popular than Euro Disney”.
The first batch of three hundred greys will be housed in the Sanctuary’s home base, newly revealed today as the Island in the middle of Ryde Boating Lake.
This is thought by European risk assessment planners to be the ideal location for a creature legendary for its love of travel, hatred of confined spaces, and strong swimming ability.
Wisely, the Isle of Wight Council and its European partners will be taking relevant steps to assure the safety of the squirrels and their confinement in their new home, away from their red-tailed cousins.
To this end, several litters of the infamous Bavarian Squirreling Cat are being imported from southern Germany to patrol the shores of the Boating Lake, day and night.
These highly fertile creatures, closely related to the Scottish Wild Cat and bred specifically to catch squirrels for the table (where they form a key part of the Bavarian diet) are extremely dedicated to the task.
However, due to their aggressive nature, owners of domestic pets in the East Ryde area (especially kittens, guinea pigs and, according to the EU Biodiversity Directorate, “anything small and fluffy”) are advised to keep their pets indoors during the dusk-to-dawn hours.
