The masters of Headfunk announce some unbelievable acts for their brand spanking new summer festival. Ed
Update 12.01pm: If you were getting excited after reading this feature below of spending a few summer nights in the company of Daft Punk and The Pogues, sorry to disappoint you, but it was – of course – an April Fool. Well done to Tom and the Headfunk crew.
It’s my huge honour to announce the amazing news that Headfunk have their own festival finally. With a ridiculously good line up of eclectic wonders, quality local refreshments and an insanely cheap price all set in a wonderful location, it’s as if it’s too good to be true!
Our ‘figurehead’ Mr Tom Headfunk granted me (Smithee) the exclusive interview on the launch of this brand new event that is sure to be a permanent fixture in the calendar.
Smithee – So, Mr Headfunk, if that’s actually your name, congratulations on securing an incredible line up for your debut event. How did you do it?
Tom Headfunk – Well Smithee thanks very much, you can call em Sir if you like. People will assume that Daft Punk were the trickiest. We know Rob Da Bank has been chasing them for Bestival for years, but Robbie doesn’t have Nipsy on his side. The Punks have run out of records to rip off, so they are playing for free in exchange for a night round Nipsy’s and a borrow of some of his vinyl gems.
Smithee – So the other two were more difficult bookings?
Tom – Yes, firstly we had to convince Shane McGowan that we are actually from the 1970 Isle of Wight Festival and we have a time machine to transport him back so he can share the bill with Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix. The rest of the band are happy to go along with it and assure us Shane will be so ‘tired and emotional’ he won’t notice the difference. We just have to put him in a cupboard for about half an hour and make some whooshing noises outside.
Smithee – And Fat Freddy’s, your favourite band aren’t they? Why were they hard to get?
Tom – Well they put a restraining order out on me last year for being a bit to obsessed so I have to leave the Island for the six hours they are here as I’m not allowed with 100 miles of them.
Smithee – Is it right you have a licence for 95,000? How did you manage to get that? It’s larger than either of Bestival or IOW.
Tom – Well we have secretly planted several moles in the local lodges and they have spent the last six months telling everyone at the meetings that we are UKIP voters, so it was easy to get it done as a delegated decision at the council in the end. They’ve even agreed to give us the car parks and all the council buses for free.
£5 ticket offer!
And with that Mr Funk was off for a full round of press interviews. I can reveal a few more exclusive details for you though. Firstly the tickets will be priced at £5 only but you have to be a paid-up member of CND or you have a letter from Dennis Skinner stating you are a ‘good person’ or you have a Rhythmtree ticket stub.
Price for all others is £250 a day, but if you collect three copies of either the Sun or the Mail it will cost you £1,000 a day and you will be escorted off the site and tied to the Tennyson monument.
Find out more about Headfunk by visiting their Website
For full details of who’s lined up for the first Headfunk summer festival click on the image below to see larger version
