Jonathan Dodd returns. Guest opinion articles do not necessarily reflect the views of the publication. Ed
Sometimes I do something controversial. Some people think I like to do controversial things all the time, and some people think I do it deliberately. But I never do that. It’s just me, being me.
I think there’s a lot of doing things more because of what other people might think rather than doing things because that’s what you want to do. I decided a long time ago that it would be better for me if I practised the latter rather than the former.
Mrs.Doasyouwouldbedoneby and Mrs. Bedonebyasyoudid
It’s also a thing I would encourage everyone to do, with the proviso that they should take into consideration any dangerous consequences first.
So you should wear that tee shirt if you really want to, and you should wear it with pride. But you shouldn’t actually thump the irritating neighbour / workmate / child. There are two reasons for this, one being the continuation of civilisation, and the other being the moral one.
I remember Mrs.Doasyouwouldbedoneby and Mrs. Bedonebyasyoudid from reading the Water-Babies as a child. Brilliant names. Not only were they a delicious struggle to read and pronounce, but I could then deconstruct them and work out what they meant.
Sadly, that was the sort of thing I used to enjoy as a child. One of the ways to be remembered as an author is by choosing really good names. Dickens was a master of this, but J K Rowling is even better.
Nobody puts Toilet in a corner
So when I was remodelling our bathroom and trying to fit everything in, I found a rather smart toilet which fits into a corner. Now not everyone would want to sit diagonally, I realise that, but I reasoned that there was no anatomical difference and there was more room for the legs that way, so people might feel a little odd but they would get used to it. Besides, needs must, as they say.
When I bought the toilet it came with what they called a ‘soft touch’ seat. Basically it goes up as you might expect, with only a slight sense of resistance, and it puts itself down very gently afterwards, with just a nudge.
It’s a pleasure to watch it smoothly lower itself with no fuss or banging, like those kitchen drawers that shut themselves which you see on the adverts.
Like a dishonoured Samurai committing Harakiri
What has actually happened, though, is that over time it has ceased to work and the fittings have broken so that it falls off when you lift it.
When I asked everyone how this might have happened, it quickly became apparent that the breakage occurred without any human intervention, and the thing broke itself like a dishonoured Samurai committing Harakiri.
I’m sad about this, because I was very fond of that toilet seat. And to replace it would cost much more than an old-fashioned old-technology version. So I agreed to buy another seat. An ordinary one.
That’s a good deal
The outlet that sold me the original is on my way home, and they do a basic seat that fits the toilet at a very reasonable price. I phoned them up this morning to ask if they have any in stock.
Unfortunately they don’t, but they do have some soft touch seats that they offered to sell me at the same price as the basic seat. That’s a good deal. So I’m going to get another one.
I’m sure it will all work out fine.
Image: juliegomoll under CC BY 2.0
Image: mia3mom under CC BY 2.0
Image: Ken Doerr under CC BY 2.0
Image: Marshall Astor under CC BY 2.0
Image: Sonia Belvison under CC BY 2.0
