Pappa Clip claims to have learned the following from a mole deep inside the government.We have been unable to confirm its truth or otherwise so you must judge for yourself. Ed
The first session of David Cameron’s ‘Working Cabinet Brunch’ met with mixed success this week.
It began quietly enough, so my informant tells me, with Cabinet members busily sorting out who had ordered what, together with a touch of squabbling among the more junior member concerning the extra portions, fried rice.
But then Nick Clegg, Deputy Prime Minister, took advantage of the silence to put forward the motion that a certain number of the pronouncements emanating from the Cabinet Office should be under his name, thereby acknowledging the coalition.
Dear oh dear
Unfortunately the Prime Minister had just splashed his tie with onion sauce and was as a result rather less receptive than he might otherwise have been.
“Over my cooling corpse,” he muttered. “I’m the top man here and don’t you forget it.”
Incensed by the sharpness of this response Nick Clegg carefully deposited a forkful of runny fried egg on top of the onion sauce.
And with admirable reflex action David Cameron responded with a Cumberland sausage, jumbo size across Clegg’s nose.
Food fighttttttttt!
Within seconds the entire room was in an uproar as the other members of cabinet joined in the food fight. Only Theresa May remained aloof, departing for the door and declaiming as she went that all the young gentlemen should return forthwith to their dorms.
Whilst Vince Cable, smiling a somewhat bemused smile protested that this was no way to discuss fiscal policy – until felled by a French fries, extra large.
“Cameron and Clegg! Cameron and Clegg!” yelled the Deputy Prime Minister. It even sounds like a comedy act! Whereupon he thrust a custard tart squarely on his leader’s face.
Spread the news
When my informant left to find a telephone, Tories in small groups were jostling each other in their eagerness to kick a Lib-Dem. Whilst the Lib-Dems, ammunition exhausted, sat smiling benignly to show how much they were enjoying the experience.
And rolling together on the Cabinet table itself, David Cameron was attempting to throttle Nick Clegg with his Eton tie, muttering as he did so “If you’d kept your mouth shut in the first place, none of this would have been necessary you cocky little oik!”
The next Cabinet Meeting is pencilled in for next week or as soon as the furnishings can be restored.
Image: therapycatguardian under CC BY 2.0
