An excerpt from the ‘London Loop Periodical’. Submitted by Pappa Clip. Ed
Convict, Mr Samuel Slither, present address Camp Hill, I.W. has declared his intention of standing as a prospective Member of Parliament.
“This follows on the rightful and just declaration by the European Justice lot, that incarcerated criminals be allowed the vote,” Mr Slither explained.
Transfer to open prison
“After all, in each case of conviction, the judge concerned has issued a sentence of imprisonment alone – and not of deprivation of any other human rights whatsoever. Being represented by their own Member of Parliament is the next logical step on the long neglected path to prisoner’s rights and one that I intend following with the utmost vigour.
“Once my nomination has been accepted I shall ask – demand – to be transferred to some convenient open prison and be allowed sufficient release days to allow me to pursue my campaign. Which of course will include free and untrammelled access to my other potential voters in all other prisons. And no one need think I can be persuaded to deviate from my purpose by any attempt at bribery, which should be addressed to my sister c/o Miss Merry Slither, 95 Middle Ventnor Terraces, I.W. Thank you for your time, and incidentally, I’m not guilty, never have been.”
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