The Ventnor Deadly Creatures are on the next leg of their journey and have sent us this retrospective Stream of Consciousness … get ready for long sentences, and don’t forget to take regular breaths.
Surf Shops
This is the establishment and shrine of the aussie egotist…there maybe a few exceptions to this rule… but the general arrangement is that the foreign man knows nothing about surfing and hasn’t the faintest idea of what surf craft may be appropriate for his usage… now maybe these poor bastards have been so worn down and abused by every non surfing European who thinks that if kelly(kellyslater7timeworldchamp) has one, then he should have the kind of mentality that he has become so aloof as to appear egotistical…example…mr organics standing by the board bags fingering through them slowly deliberating on with size is going to fit his peachy stick…surf shop man approaches and says “mate their just the long board board bags your looking at, the actual boards are over thereâ€? mr organic “ its a bag I’m afterâ€?…
In fact I’m over this f*cking retrospective already… its already too long and drawn out… instead I will ramble of a list… aussie drivers probably the shitest drivers ever… aussie girls probably amongst the most beautiful in the world…Sydney’s city beaches…a city on the beach with waves nearly every day amazing… backpackers probably the greatest plague of western freeloaders the aussie have ever seen…and probably a massive boost to their economy…lebos and abos and wogs…how the aussies get away with using these obviously racist definitions in there mainstream media is beyond me, and I cant work out whether that’s a good or a bad thing…the fairy bower, a great wave in the heart of Manly but still a totally awful place to hit the bottom at low tide on a shit day and slash your leg to pieces…bleeding into the same bay sharks were spotted a week before…
SHARKS an over rated danger haven’t seen one of those ugly bastards…blue bottles hilarious when there wrapped round mc muttas neck and stuck in his necklace, not so funny when they’re stinging you up your shorts…being run over by over eager aussie surfer or mc mutta, your own mate !!…surf all day every day… get drunk at night and eat turkish pizza whilst putting on your best aussie accents and trying to blend in hopelessly with the locals… a tale of drunken vikings…The danish return for drinks… equipment needed for night with the vikings…VODKA one bottle plus a case of the greatest aussie beer TOOHEYS plus anything else you may lay your hands on or be donated by the tramps you have been befriending on the bench… a sense of humor essential….non religious sensibilities… a hard hat…nerves of steal…drink in all the areas set out for non drinking…wait for the police to move you on…move with swiftness to avoid fines and alcohol confiscation…
Watch the biggest baddest dane make moves on every girl that walks past…know that he is special and that your mum or any other respectable women you know would probably like to kill him…but still understand he has his place, he’s a damn viking after all, its his faith and we should respected his cultural heritage… note with all groups including vikings that there is a group dynamic and that at least one of them has to make sure the others have backup a sensible one…also there has to be the dancing one and this comes in the form of the big V probably one of the most amazing drunken dancers I have ever witnessed only to be equaled by our very own mc mutta…I watched the big V man approach me with arms open and mouth ready for french kiss I avoid the kiss he’s deflected off towards an aussie he lands him a smacking great kiss aussie looks confused then pleased… its dance off…then there’s nearly a fight aussie women have been offended…4am we have lost everyone I’m lost the danes must be lost mr organic is lost and mc muttas lost in the music…please ignore my ramblings…today we are nearly leaving, my leg is an infected scabby wounded mess…I’m going to miss my last surf in OZ… we stopped sleeping weeks ago… and we love all you wightys…enjoy the last of winter as spring is getting nearer and we hope to see it in with you…obviously if we don’t get kidnapped or blown up along the way…or drilled into the reefs of bali…knowing mine and organics luck at least if not all of those things may happen…so its been lovely…goodbye.
