Update: Given the number of offensive emails I keep receiving about this article can I please point out NOW that I do not think turtles are evil – the person, Raff, who sent the report in from his travels did (and probably because he got bitten by one). Thanks, Sal
Latest report from the Ventnor Deadly Creatures.
The creatures are now in the lands of the faux hippy and the stoned backpacker…….and the expert surfer…..and the not so expert surfers….byron….interesting scenes of drunken confusion are abound every single night……
In this town the popular cheap drink for getting drunk is the goon……basically its the most piss poor box of wine known to civilised drunks………think along the lines of white lightning…..the goon i have been lead to believe is the bladder bit inside the box wich gets retrieved from the box and has the life squeezed out of it whilst your body writhes around in pure horror at the god awful liquid your about to subject it to………a few boxes of this evil shit gives you the shits and gets you into the shit with a whole array of people and things…bouncers, women, other hopless drunks, doors the floor your own shoes……..el organic has been in various extreme situations on this goon…….
Think haymaker to the face of a friendly canadian…who just wanted a play fight…….imagine the organic one making the huge leap head first down night club stairs……….as well as myself i’m afraid………why not sleep on the beach or bring the beach home, why not crawl through neighbours fence and abuse the noisey swedish pikeys…..why not stay up late pretending to understand everyword the danish stoners are saying………sleep in the streets and in the bushes, dress like a girl…….harass the hippys yippys pippys puppys…….as well as this the surf is good……..the pass(surf break)……bang your ass as hard off the sand as you can, feel your spine being fed through your neck, pray you’re not paralysed……….
To quote a friend “dogs with flippers” every where round these parts commonly known as turtles……….im sure the turtles are EVIL………they have beady eyes……and i don’t trust there shells…………..tonight we go out again dressed up like idiots……after some surf……………after some f**king noodles……..and a box of evil goon……keeping clear of dogs with flippers………….please look after yourselves……..VENTNOR DISHEVELLED CREATURES.
Goon image courtesty of Broken Frontier.
