Ventnor Short and Sweet: Land of Hope and Glory

The quality of the 101-word stories is amazing and I like the idea of having to guess who might’ve written what … hmm … maybe we’ll have a competition soon?

scary sausageLand of Hope and Glory

He was uncomfortable. Been sat there for hours, no direction anywhere and no good reason for being where he was. And only a small sausage for company. They’d met in an opium dennis and a game of tennis and tea and cakes on the lorna. Now – silence. The small sausage, snoring, suddenly turned and flipped, a deep sense of anxiety rising, he steamed with grease, chasing him, wielding it’s meat in his direction. Out of the cave and into the open, chased by a sausage for miles, until eventually he fell off a Cliff and died of Richard. And sausage wept.

Advertisement
Subscribe
Email updates?
1 Comment
oldest
newest most voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Ian
13, March 2011 11:17 am

I wager if we shut down the monarchy and The Firm ran for parliament with QE2 as the prime minister, they’d probably walk it.

ML
Reply to  Ian
13, March 2011 7:29 pm

Great idea – then we could abolish Parliament and restore absolute power to the Monarchy – it would be just like the good old days.Intrigue, executions and fabulous wealth in the hands of one family – by divine right of course!

Don Smith
Reply to  Ian
13, March 2011 9:40 pm

Walk it! Now that would be a sight for sore eyes.

mark francis
13, March 2011 11:24 am

I think the wonderful thing about the British Monarchy since the Hanoverians is that they have a talent for mediocrity. The Tudor was so clever that they wanted to run the Country and the Stuarts were so stupid that they thought they could. Between them they tested the hereditary principle to destruction. Since the Germans were invited in they have been (mostly)sufficiently smart to realise their own… Read more »

No.5
Reply to  mark francis
13, March 2011 1:15 pm

hardly fair on the Stuarts..of the four main ones, 2 where useless and 2 where quite brilliant….and the two women, somewhere in between.

where would you be without Charles restoration….and the house of Hanover are really just minor Stuarts bred from the worst of them

mark francis
Reply to  No.5
13, March 2011 6:46 pm

James I was ok when he was not personally torturing witches, Charles I talked his way into getting beheaded and Charles II should have been if anyone had found out about the Treaty of Dover. James II was lucky to get out when he did. William was ok, perhaps due to being Dutch. Mary died of smallpox after 2 years and Ann was…. well, just a gin-sodded… Read more »

No.5
Reply to  mark francis
13, March 2011 8:05 pm

at least Charles 2 had the decency to dig up Englands Hitler..Cromwell and postumously hang him

My ancestors died in the old and young pretenders attempts at the throne

mark francis
Reply to  No.5
13, March 2011 8:44 pm

I have never found that one of the more tasteful episodes of English history.Charles also hung drew & quartered men like Godly Tom Harrison and Algernon Sydney. If your ancestors were killed off by involvement with the Jacobites it shows how ordinary people (assuming they were)suffer for the ambitions of worthless megalomaniacs who imagine themselves to have a Divine Right to rule over the rest of us.… Read more »

No.5
Reply to  No.5
13, March 2011 9:59 pm

not really…I;m anti Tory by choice and education.

But it is why I’m a Republican ( as in desiring a republic, rather than a stupid American)

BigEars
Reply to  No.5
13, March 2011 10:56 pm

You’ve been talking a lot of sense of late No 5, but perhaps you’ve turned the wrong corner with the racist ‘stupid American’ comment.

The Americans I call friends are anything but stupid (OK, occasionally just a little annoying.)

No.5
Reply to  No.5
13, March 2011 11:01 pm

my comment was about Republican Americans…I too have some very sane American friends

A. Non.
Reply to  No.5
13, March 2011 11:05 pm

“Brown dog” does not imply that all dogs are brown. “Stupid American” is nor racist. It refers to an American stupid enough to vote Republican.

Don Smith
Reply to  mark francis
14, March 2011 10:33 pm

It’s not the Queen I object to – It’s all the hangers-on and there are 121 of them – Most, never having done a days work in their lives. Sorry, randy Andy was a helicopter pilot twenty-nine years ago and Edward was a Royal Marine:-) However, they do all do a great deal for charity, going here there and everywhere with all expenses paid; with freebie grub… Read more »

mark francis
Reply to  Don Smith
15, March 2011 10:13 am

From what I heard at the time in the Navy was that Prince Andtrew was always wanting his chopper tuned & stripped down because it wasn’t quite right etc. and if an Exocet is coming towards your carrier in a helicopter is the safest place to be, since an Exocet is a sea-skimmer. I also recall that Princess Edward’s career in the Bootnecks was rather short (… Read more »

LooLoo
13, March 2011 11:43 am

Pugh for President?

montana sliver
13, March 2011 12:02 pm

The Germans aint all that daft as they remained in place as our royal family despite their lot losing two world wars

BigEars
13, March 2011 1:12 pm

DOD – I am a disappointed at the description you make here of my submission on this subject. I am by no means a royalist, as you depict, in the narrow sense of the word. You didn’t cut your journalist teeth with the Sun by any chance? What I said broadly resonates with what you say here in that there is a strong, if not overwhelming financial… Read more »

BigEars
Reply to  BigEars
13, March 2011 1:17 pm

…and since we share this opinion, does this mean you typecast yourself too as standing armourclad for the honour of Her Majesty, smelling of mushrooms?

Daft Old Duffer
Reply to  BigEars
13, March 2011 1:47 pm

Certainly.
I must say Big Ears I’m quite startled by your reaction to my leg- pull. You’ve been playing on your Big Ears personna in several comments now. I don’t believe you’ve the right to feel insulted if I or anyone else take you at your word.
Lighten up mate

BigEars
Reply to  Daft Old Duffer
13, March 2011 2:16 pm

Lighten up? No need my friend. I am always ready to be in the best of humour. I note though that you too couch your perspective on things in the humorous banter of the Daft Old Duffer persona, but I assume you are none the less serious about what you say and do not expect to be belittled by misrepresentation. None the less, you are always welcome… Read more »

lilly
13, March 2011 6:49 pm

Is there a book called ‘what did the Royals ever do for me’? I’ve got a mug of some Royal event or other & a few days off for same. I think its a little simplistic to paint them as benign members of our ruling elite. One ocassion bought to mind is that of the Chagos Islanders who have been blocked from returning to their homeland because… Read more »

Paul Miller
13, March 2011 8:36 pm

Arguably, the monarchy isn’t the problem; it’s the system of titles and privileges which hang around us like the stench of national backwardness. States like Australia, and Canada manage just fine with the same Head of State but no ‘honours’ system. The aristocracy could be disbanded and the upper house abolished altogether [like in NZ] and the UK would have a complete democratic revolution – all without… Read more »

Don Smith
Reply to  Paul Miller
13, March 2011 9:38 pm

Tourist do not visit the UK to see the royals – They are never here. They are either hunting, shooting, skiing, clubbing, or visiting far off lovely countries trying to pull. Who last saw a member of the House of Windsor in one of their many castles or mansions? Obviously their multitude of their staff do. Can I squeeze out your toothpaste sir? :-) Now this royal… Read more »

ccboyo
Reply to  Paul Miller
13, March 2011 11:39 pm

Well said Paul, I think this the best place to launch my twopennorth, as you have cleared the way for me!(John the Baptist analogy? Ha Ha!) Well done! Daft Old Duffer is exactly as described on his own grandiose package! He may stir me to more poetry being such a daftapologist for the Royals. It is a matter of dispute as to who penned the phrase, “No… Read more »

LooLoo
14, March 2011 6:27 am

An alternative to the monarchy could simply be solved by making Pugh President and Whittaker his vice and right hand man.

LooLoo
Reply to  LooLoo
14, March 2011 6:53 am

Perhaps they could both use the palace and rename it Buckingham Cottage.

mark francis
14, March 2011 7:03 am

No-that’s just silly

LooLoo
Reply to  mark francis
14, March 2011 7:09 am

Don’t take things so seriously. It is only a joke and is supposed to be silly.

mark francis
Reply to  LooLoo
14, March 2011 9:12 am

In the words of Inspector Clouseau
“Zere is a time to laugh and a time not to laugh …and zis ma friend is not one of zem…”
or is it?

LooLoo
Reply to  mark francis
14, March 2011 3:41 pm

Life is to serious to take seriously!

Lilly
14, March 2011 9:47 am

Perhaps the Royals will join the ‘Big Society’ and VOLUNTEER their services as we’re all being urged to do – at least they can afford it! Or perhaps we should VOLUNTEER to take over their positions. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

mark francis
Reply to  Lilly
14, March 2011 11:27 am

They tend to claim expenses that are so huge it would actually be cheaper top pay them. What the rest of us think is a helicopter they think is a bus.

adrian nicholas
14, March 2011 1:28 pm

nice to see special business advisers list of cronies and many ‘royal’ middle east despots with repressive regimes- seems they obviously read english trad. history. Prospective wedding invitees include King of Saudi Arabia,Jordan & sultans of Oman & Bahrain, -all of whom have a mysogonist , fundamentalist religious landed base of famial and dynastic landowners and business ‘owner’ cartels to ensure hold on national assets- indeed much… Read more »

mark francis
Reply to  adrian nicholas
14, March 2011 2:51 pm

And another thing…
the Crown only got the Isle of Wight at a knock down price since King Edward Longshanks went to visit Isabella de Fortibus on her death bed and she agreed only minutes before croaking & without witnesses. Suspicious, or what?

Daft Old Duffer
15, March 2011 1:49 pm

It’s been very interesting to read all the responses to my views on the Royals.My articles are of course intended as basis for discussion and even bloggers who want to eliminate royalty yet keep the royal prerogative of chopping off my head are welcome. I wonder now though if having blown of the initial steam some of you might like to consider what most of you have… Read more »

reCaptcha Error: grecaptcha is not defined