Daft Old Duffer returns. Guest opinion articles do not necessarily reflect the views of the publication. Ed
I see the evergreen controversy over the fixed link to the Other Island is again raising its head. So I thought this a good opportunity to put up my take on why it should be built.
For a reason I do not believe has been advanced hitherto.
It is to do with global warming, and the forecast rise in sea levels that will, we are assured, eventually inundate much of the dry land we now enjoy.
And which will surely result in the bridge becoming an invaluable asset to the English Tourist Industry.
Let me explain
As the amount of dry land left to us shrinks over the next century or so, and as the Island in effect retreats further and further away from the mainland of England, any such bridge will have to have more and more bits added onto its ends.
Until, as the sea reaches its highest levels, we will end with an impressively long bridge reaching out from mainland England to a piece of rock set in mid- Atlantic, known as the White Rock.
Which, unbelievably, is rumoured once to have been large enough to support human habitation.
A folly?
As time passes, folk will begin to wonder at the strange structure, and the long-lost reason for its construction. Was it something to do with the worship of primitive gods, they will ponder, or built merely to suit the whim of some once all-powerful king?
Experts will employ the very latest in fantastically powerful computers to discover that it aligns with the summer solstice. Or the winter solstice. Or whatever other solstice happens to be the fashion at the time.
Or perhaps that it is a monument to the reign of some mythological Being known as The Great Thatcher (rather mischievously and irreverently referred to by some as ‘The Margaret’, or ‘The Maggy’.
Tourist attraction?
Rather weird and lonely individuals will gather together to don flowing saffron robes, give themselves a title dredged up from some fictional history, and prance along it, chanting and ringing bells.
Boats will float Americans out to snap photos and assure themselves that it isn’t a patch on the Grand Canyon. And the twenty or so men and women that constitute the English Armed Forces will be kept busy protecting the Rock from souvenir hunters chipping off bits.
An historic monument?
In short it will become a worthy rival to Stonehenge itself. An irresistible money-making tourist attraction for citizens of that fabulous centre of modern civilisation, industry and culture, the Chinese Empire.
And, just as with Stonehenge, its mystery will be enhanced by the multitude of books, television documentaries and lectures devoted to explaining, none too convincingly, why on earth it was ever built in the first place.
Image: Dennis Jarvis under CC BY 2.0
