Daft Old Duffer is back with his Sunday column. Ed
I first met Emily ten or twelve years ago. For a long time we remained strangers to each other – at times almost enemies. But gradually we became more intimate. We never were all that close to be blunt, even though we hung around as an item for close on four years.
Eventually I discarded her. Threw her out. She had grown too old, too ugly and cantankerous, had too many habits that stopped her pandering to my needs.
Viola was sleeker
I replaced her quite quickly with Viola, an altogether younger, sleeker and more attractive partner. That relationship too got off to something of a shaky start. Mainly because I had despite myself gotten used to Emily’s unfortunate mannerisms. And I found it difficult to accept just how willing, how co-operative Viola could be.
In the end though Viola and I spent many close and contented hours together. Only once or twice did she show signs of disaffection, but in each case our problems were resolved and we were able to carry on in relative harmony. (In spite of my many forgetful and, to be honest about it, illogical ways).
Sudden death a total shock
Then Viola, after four blissful years and quite without warning, died. Leaving me bereft. And for a while almost berserk with rage. I stormed at the poor thing as if she had deliberately passed on, just to spite me.
I was saved from insanity by the arrival of Myrtle who is my present and hopefully everlasting partner. Once again, it didn’t seem likely at first. I was too wrapped up in my resentment at losing Viola, and Myrtle had a style of her own, a style that at first irked me, a style I simply could not comprehend.
I was I suppose looking for another Viola.
Mad about Myrtle
Then, just in the last few days, the breakthrough has occurred. During one long, intense session Myrtle revealed her secret desires and wishes and I admitted my own shortcomings. I began to behave in a manner that suited her personality and at last we began to jell.
There remains much about her I’ve yet to understand but on a day to day basis at least we appear to be rubbing along well enough. And I am happy again.
The only remaining trouble is, Myrtle speaks Windows 7 while my printer understands nothing but Vista. So that’s another seventy quid up my shirt.
Image: Bob B Brown under CC BY 2.0
