From the London Midday Melange. Submitted by Pappa Clip. Ed
The BBC has announced it will shortly be introducing a new model of interviewer, to be provisionally entitled Jeremy Paxman Mk 2.
“The mark one version has served us well,” a spokesperson- woman explained. “But it can hardly be denied that over the years it has shown increasing amounts of wear as well as a couple of obvious function faults.
Repetitive questioning a malfunction
“For example, its habit of continually repeating the same question over and over, although seen by many as some sort of ploy, is plainly a result of a circuitry malfunction. A properly functioning interviewer is programmed to tackle any reluctance to answer from another angle – that is the very essence of enquiry. Paxman’s inability to follow this pattern is clearly the result of a malfunctioning chip somewhere deep inside.
“There is also a problem with his smile. The default expression should be one of warm kindliness – a sort of father figure look. Unfortunately it has malfunctioned into the ‘I know I’m far cleverer than you but it amuses me to watch you try to keep up’ expression. Which some find somewhat irritating.
“But the final straw as it were; the one thing that has decided we must do something, is his failure to consult the answer cards in University Challenge. Obviously he has all the correct responses programmed in, but we feel a pretense of having to check is necessary to avoid an impression of conceit.
“Thankfully we are confident Mark 2 will be free of these faults and will altogether more closely resemble a reasonable human being.”
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