Some excerpts from the Island Independent. Submitted by Pappa Clip. Ed
At a news conference following the attempt to bomb the Houses of Parliament toilets, Police Commodore Sir Pew Coshem named the would-be bomber as William ‘Wet Pants’ McGrew, resident of the Isle of Wight.
“It was apparently a protest against the closure of public toilets on the Isle of Wight,” he said. “An explanation backed up by the somewhat extreme age of the perpetrator.”
How did it happen?
When asked to explain the ease with which the driver of the bomb lorry had been able to penetrate the defensive system of road blocks so easily, the Commodore confessed his surprise.
“That is a factor that took us completely unawares,” he admitted. “No point trying to disguise the fact. After all we have acquired many years experience in this form of defence and we did believe the complexity of structures surrounding the Parliament buildings made them to all intents and purposes impenetrable to anything short of a tank.”
On the buses
He continued, “However enquiries have supplied us with a possible explanation. It appears that Mr McGrew had worked for some months as a bus driver on the No8 Newport to Ryde route on the Isle of Wight, as well as on the Shanklin – Tesco route. Indeed, one positive result of this incident is that we are now investigating the possible use of these areas for our own advanced training courses.”
The local police have been issued with a list of private house gardens they are requested to keep a special eye on. It is not known who these gardens belong to but it is understood the authorities expect them to be a possible target for reprisals by members of the public following the closure of certain public toilets.
