Some news items from the ‘Popular Pop Stars Pop-ups’ section of Le Magazine Populaire du Pop. Translated from the original Estonian by Pappa Clip. Ed
Ed Miliband As Dracula?
The traditional British Parliament pantomime will take an unusual turn this Christmas, being based on the well-known tale of Dracula, choreography by Elton John and Meatloaf.
The leader of the opposition was apparently surprised to be invited to undertake the lead role of Count Dracula, but has sportingly agreed.
“At the very least he won’t need to spend much time in make-up,” a somewhat envious rival remarked.
Ed Miliband’s brother, David, has also readily agreed to play the part of Van Helsing, Dracula’s last-act nemesis. Indeed, so enthusiastic is David over his role that he is insisting on wielding a real sharpened stake in place of the papier mache one proposed. Overriding the concerns of the Health and Safety representative he is insisting that this is essential to helping him feel authentic.
“Well they are brothers,so I suppose it will be alright,” the safety man confided to me. “I just wish he wouldn’t keep smiling in that way.”
Alarm As Bruce Forsyth’s Suit Found Empty
Much concern is being felt over the safety of the much revered entertainer Bruce Forsyth. Last seen as he entered his dressing room prior to rehearsals, Mr Forsyth was apparently nowhere to be found when called. Only the suit he was known to be wearing was visible, draped somewhat soggily on a chair and entirely empty. His spine stick was also laying close by.
“We’re very concerned,” his agent said. “Not to say mystified. Bruce would insist on trying to manage without the stick, so essential at his age to keep him upright during his always exhausting performances. But what that has to do with his disappearance we have no idea. Nor for that matter the strange, somewhat greasy stains we found on the bottoms of his trouser legs. We’ve scoured the building and grounds and now we’re contemplating digging up the drains. It’s all extremely worrying.”
David Attenborough Finally Lost it?
In a shock press release today Sir David Attenborough has announced his intention to marry an Orang-Outan.
“To be honest we’ve known for some time that something was up,” a BBC spokespersonwoman confessed. “What has somewhat taken aback however is that the Orang-Outan is called Charlie.”
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