Pantomime, athleticism and brutality joined forces at Shanklin Theatre on Sunday night, as the LDN Wrestling crew made their way over the water, preserving a successful streak within the venue’s walls.
What unfolded was two hours of entertainment far removed from the slickly packaged brands of WWE, New Japan and TNA. Instead, much of the night resembled a tribute to ITV’s World of Sport during its 1980’s pomp.
Curtain jerker aborted
Host Sanjay Bagga welcomed a full house, before introducing the participants of the opening match. Tyler Hawk and Danny Walsh began the show with a series of high-octane routines, Hawk’s acrobatic style in particular drawing gasps of awe from appreciative fans.
Disappointingly the match was cut off in its prime, as Hawk appeared to land heavily from a top rope elbow drop, causing the bout to be stopped before its intended conclusion.
Hawk explained: “I lost feeling in both of my legs and felt a burning in my lower back, it was scary.
“I am 100% (recovered) thankfully and feeling good, someone upstairs must like me!”
Good Vs Evil
Following an unscheduled interval the action restarted, with the entrance of the bizarrely attired, splendidly named Dark Lord, who royally hammed up the bad guy (heel) act by using every trick in the book.
A mystery opponent was announced, but nobody came to the ring, with the premise that the scheduled wrestler had seen the earlier injury and gone home prematurely.
If that was a stretch, then the masked Dark Lord’s open challenge to anyone in attendance provided an even more difficult bridge from which to suspend belief, as the tiny merchandise seller, Joey Texas, came forward for what was glaringly a mismatch with the herculean heel.
That was much to the chagrin of a 57 year-old fan called Peter, who was clearly three sheets to the wind, as he continually tried to grab wrestlers from beneath the bottom rope.
Slightly awkward
The diminutive youngster played for sympathy, taking a beating inside and outside the ropes. There were some slightly awkward moments from both athletes with a few moves missing the mark.
The Dark Lord mischievously aborted several pin attempts with his opponent prone, pulling up the motionless carcass of his prey before the referee had struck the mat three times, before eventually relenting to secure a comfortable success.
The victor was far from done though, crushing the battered trainee with an impressive Green Bay Plunge from the top rope, generating a chorus of boos from the masses. The match was just passable as a parody of professional wrestling.
Horrible teeth
Joey Ozbourne hit the ring next, snarling and grabbing the mic from Bagga in order to chastise the crowd. He belittled the Isle of Wight, extolled the virtues of his beloved Birmingham and criticised the dental hygiene of spectators, it created some heat from the front rows.
The Brummie’s open challenge to the locker room was accepted by Australian punk wrestler, Sid Parker, whose pale physique and animated demeanour set him up as a slender version of WWE’s Irish superstar Sheamus.
Sid: Justice
The match was an explosive back and forth, with Ozbourne utilising a series of rest holds, in contrast to Parker’s aerial assault, a juxtaposition intended to further set in motion the roles of the two grapplers.
Sid took the win via pinfall, his dynamic inverted suplex into a DDT clinching the decisive three count.
A second short interval then placed the spotlight once more on super fan Peter, it turned out that today was his birthday and he wanted to challenge the Dark Destroyer to a future fight. This was not part of the scheduled programming!
Another man proposed to his wife, who slightly unconvincingly (and thankfully) said ‘yes’ when put on the spot.
The main event
The night’s main event was scheduled as a ladder match, where the only way to win was by climbing the flimsy looking structure and grabbing the belt hanging from the rafters.
First into the arena was number one contender, ‘The Lone Wolf’ Matt Walters, before speed garage accompanied LDN British heavyweight champion Alan Lee-Travis to the fray, the latter exhibiting his patriotism by arriving clad in a fetching British flag trunks and jacket combo that wouldn’t have looked out of place at an Elton John concert.
Dangerous, lively action
A frenetic pace ensued, with Travis’ drop kick through the ropes providing a particular zenith in the early exchanges and leading to a prolonged spell of outside ring activity.
The challenger was the first to use the ladder as a weapon, as it visibly began to fall apart and both men’s attempts to climb were intercepted before they could get their mitts on the gold.
A ‘Bookend’ and several dangerous spots left both wrestlers’ arms cut to ribbons, with the crimson unintentionally flowing. One particularly hairy moment occurred when Travis slipped from the ladder going for a dive from the top rung, landing uncomfortably in the process.
Eventually the champion threw Walters from the top of the ladder to the outside and gradually climbed towards the shaky structure’s apex, retaining his title as he unhooked the belt.
Overview
With the inaugural match halted in its infancy and the second overly hokey, this event was in danger of becoming a caricature of what cynics define professional wrestling to be.
Thankfully the final brace of contests more than made up for the slow start, with the 28-minute main event providing all the drama, action and risk taking associated with good in-ring story telling. Crucially, the loser in that battle wasn’t harmed by his defeat, with the company’s champion selling the beating he took to good effect.
LDN Wrestling returns to Shanklin Theatre on Saturday, 2nd August, and is worth checking out for anyone whose kids are fans of the entertainment aspect of combat, or devoted wrestling fans.
: Overall Score 
Update 16:15 – Corrected from BBC World of Sport, to ITV. Thanks to Stephen’s comment.
