An extract from the Island Independent. Submitted by Pappa Clip. Ed
The Isle Of Wight Police Force is to experiment with electrically propelled patrol cars, this reporter has learned. Due however to the more limited area, and the fact that no part of the Island is more than a forty minute drive from any other, the design of these vehicles will differ somewhat from those used on the Other Island.
They will, in essence, use the type of ‘pedal assisted’ drive common to electric bicycles. Under this system patrol cars will be propelled primarily by the officer concerned pedalling.
Pedal power
As he does so however, a small yet powerful electric motor will automatically cut in to assist. And the more he pedals, the more assistance he will receive.
In this way, battery power will be conserved during normal cruising yet an instant surge of power will provide high speed when required. (It is anticipated that ‘high speed’ in Isle Of Wight terms need be no more than 40 miles per hour).
An obvious advantage of the pedal drive is, of course, that no officer need fear his vehicle being stranded for lack of battery power. He will always be able to reach the nearest charging point. Further, each car will carry an emergency lead, enabling the batteries to be topped up from the nearest obliging household.
No time for tea
The officer concerned will be authorised to pay the few pence needed for this service and will be expected to carry sufficient small change about his person.
Such occasions must not however be used as an excuse for accepting tea or any other form of hospitality a householder may offer.
“Bbrring, brrring Police coming through”
To preserve the batteries the normal police siren will be replaced by the method used satisfactorily over many years by the Metropolitan Police in London.
A bell bolted to the front bumper. This bell will be cable-attached to the pedal drive in such a way that it will cut in and ring loudly above a certain speed, thus warning the public that a high speed vehicle is approaching.
Buff not bacon
In order that these revolutionary vehicles be used efficiently, patrolling officers will need to keep themselves fit, to take frequent showers, and to carry with them ample supplies of bottled water. Asked to comment a police spokespersonman said that three results were anticipated as a result of the changes.
“First we confidently expect a substantial cost saving,second there will of course be a large decrease in air pollution, and third we are looking forward to having a group of police officers who can run for upwards of fifty metres without falling over and bleating for bacon sarnies.” he explained.
Postscript
Fiction is stranger than truth? Whilst looking for a suitable pic to accompany this week’s spoof from Pappa Clip, we came across a news item from May 2010 (not 1st April) of a pedal Police car that was built with help from teenagers in Hampshire. Thanks to Solent News and Photo Agency for giving us permission to use their photo.
