Daft Old Duffer: UP Yours

He’s back, this time considering the use of the word ‘up’. Ed

Daft Old Duffer: UP YoursI’ve been cogitating upon the little word ‘up‘ and how much we rely on it.

As in the sentence you’ve just read.

Consider the following …

I was up at the pub, chatting up this girl I know when I learned how this geezer up at the flats had put my sister up the duff and then given her up. Upped sticks and had it away, just like that.

Well, I wasn’t about to put up with that, so I went up to see him. I don’t mind admitting I was well tanked up at the time, which is why I was so up for it.

Anyway when I got there I shouted up at him to come down but he opened his window and shouted back ‘what’s up?

So I told him I was going to beat him up, and he said “No need getting your knickers in an uproar. Better come up so we can sort this out.”

So up I went and he said “Let’s wrap this up once and for all. Me and your sis got fed up with each other so I left, no harm done.”

“No harm done?” I said “You stitched her up! She’s up the duff !”

“Thats up to her,” he said. “Anyway,she’ll be up for child maintenance won’t she? And I can cough up a bit extra from time to time.”

I’d sobered up a bit by then and I thought why would sis want to put up with a plonker like that anyway? So I gave up and went back to the pub. But the girl I fancied was up to no good. She’d passed me up for a biker bloke.

And he was lapping it up, eying her up like she was a piece of sweety put up for him to help himself. I was going to rough him up to teach him he couldn’t just turn up and pick up one of our birds without someone putting up a fight. But he was a big bloke so I didn’t. He’d have probably done me up like a kipper. So instead I finished up my drink, got up and legged it up the road.

I’ve tried to think up an explanation why we use ‘up‘ so much. But I can’t, so I’ve given up.

I’ll leave it up to you.

Image: Christina Welsh under CC BY-ND 2.0